Monday, March 30, 2009

Work in Progress

Living for God is a good thing. I can't say that I'm always living for Him--no one is perfect--but I am consistently trying now. The nice thing about God is that He will give us the strength and wisdom we need if we sincerely intend to use that power to become more like Christ.

Walking down the path God has laid out is a hard road. I feel that I am more aware of my shortcomings than ever before. Yet at the same time, I am encouraged that God is making them more prevalent so that I can allow Him to remove them. I am overcome by His patience and benevolence, thinking about all the ways I hurt Him every day and how He chooses to love me anyway. I think Brad Stine said it best when he noted that the great thing about Christianity is that it takes you in spite of yourself.

My greatest prayer is that when God calls on me to act so that His will can be carried out, I will simply obey. Thankfully, God makes that possible when the time comes, as long as I don't resist. I want to be like the people in the Bible who just allowed God to work through them without worrying what others would think of them. That would be awesome.

Anyway, since I last wrote, things have taken a turn for the better. I just need to keep relying on God, since that's the only way progress can be made anyway.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

A New Beginning

It's been awhile since I've written here...and I think it's time for a rethinking of this blog's purpose.

At the risk of sounding dramatic and self-absorbed, I've come to a crossroads. I've discovered that I do not truly love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Thankfully, I do want to. But there are things within my life which I have refused to give up for years now that are standing in the way of God's will.

So, I have three choices. First, I can abandon myself to the desires of the flesh, reject God, and attempt to seek happiness and fulfillment elsewhere. I could try to fool myself into believing that I am master of my own life, but in reality, I would be a slave to sin. I cannot choose this.

Second, I can turn to God and try to live by His standards, but leave some strings attached. If times are rough, I can turn to Him, but when all is well, I can pursue my own desires. Basically, I would be a volunteer for God--serving Him when it suits me, and going my own way when it does not. I believe I have been on this path for several years now. I could say that God has been Lord of my life all this time, but if I ever wanted something badly enough, I would turn off the path that God laid down for me.

Finally, there is submission. I can give myself up. I can offer myself to God not as a volunteer, but as a slave. Regardless of my feelings, His word would be law. I would walk in His steps without wavering. There would be no strings attached.

It would be difficult. It would require complete denial of self, something which I cannot do under my own power. But I have tasted, even if only for a short while, the peace that comes from living such a life. It is not always the happiest path, but it is the true path, and living in the truth trumps everything else that this life has to offer.

I've tried again and again to live this kind of life, and I have failed each time. I am discouraged and disappointed in myself. But I will not give up. God, in His blessed, infinite mercy, continues to give me another chance. Despite the grief I cause Him when I fall, He always offers forgiveness. I do not want to grieve Him anymore.

I am trying again. I ask for your prayers as I begin this new life, and I encourage you to join me, whether you would be just starting on this path yourself or you have been walking it for some time and have advice to give me.

I apologize for the tone of this post--I feel like it is far too focused on myself. I will try to fix that in the future. For now, I can only thank God that He has forgiven me yet again, and I pray that He will give me His strength so that I can truly love Him.

And with that, I'm going to go do some homework. I don't want to, but God wants me to. :-)