Before I forget this...

The speaker at my Monday night Bible study shared this quote with us (I believe it was Jonathan Edwards):

"Religious people find God useful.  Christians find God beautiful."

This made me think long and hard: do I find God beautiful?

Intentional Break

This morning, I was thinking I should post something here, but then I also thought, "I have an insanely important exam next Monday and should spend most of my free time studying for that!"  So, posting will definitely resume on Monday night.

Hoo boy...

This weekend, starting last night, my church (Elm City Vineyard, or ECV) is holding a conference called "Life with a Living God," and it's been pretty incredible.  So far, we've been taught on setting proper expectations for living with Jesus, and they were challenging: expect to be dependent, expect both reception and rejection, and expect obedience, to name a few.

The crazy part was when we had prayer.  We all bowed our heads, and the prayer leader prayed for the Holy Spirit to enter.  After that, he asked if there was anyone who was feeling tingling or warmth in their ears, hands, or chest, and if they were, he wanted them to stand up.

Before I go any further, I realize that a lot of people have trouble with these kinds of things, chalking it all up to the power of suggestion and so forth, and honestly, I agree with those people to a certain degree.  But at the same time, I know that God DOES move and speak to us in this way at times, and I don't want to close myself off to this avenue of guidance.  So my approach is three-step: 1) see if what the person is asking is true (ignoring the possibility of the power of suggestion). If it is, 2) say a brief prayer and ask the Holy Spirit if it's Him.  If I feel He says yes (again ignoring if it's just my own head playing tricks), 3) go for it.  Even if it wasn't originally from God and I totally misread Him, I trust He'll bless my attempting to do His will and turn my mistake into something He can use.

Anyway, this is what I did.  I did feel a little bit of warmth in my hands, so I prayed and asked, and I felt the impression that it was not Him, but that I should check out my feet.  And I was like, "My feet? Well, ok, they feel a little warm, but he didn't mention anything about--" "If you're feeling a warmth in your feet, I also want you to stand."  And I froze.  And I was like, "Lord, seriously?  'Cause I don't really think I want to stand..."  And I really felt like I was supposed to stand.

So after a moment of hesitation, I resignedly muttered under my breath, "...aw, crap..." and stood to my feet.  (Fun fact: the pastor's wife was sitting in front of me, heard me, and started laughing.)  The leader went on to explain that the warmth in the feet signifies that the Lord had a calling for those people to do missions, whether that be abroad or in our backyard.  As soon as he said that, I knew God had spoken, because I do not like to do missions.  I am shy and introverted by nature (until I get comfortable around you, and then I won't shut up!), and I am very uncomfortable sharing the gospel with others and serving them.  So knowing that this was the last thing I wanted to do confirmed that God was trying to stretch my faith.

A bunch of people gathered around me and prayed for me (which was awesome), and I felt that I needed to start volunteering at Agape Church, a subsidiary church of ECV for the homeless.  Again, something I really don't want to do because I'm uncomfortable, but know that I'm being called to do it.  So that starts tomorrow.

I go back to the conference at 1:00 this afternoon, and I'm looking forward to more challenges from God.  I'm gonna do something a little different and ask you, if you're reading this, to share ways in which you feel God is challenging you to step out in faith.  If so, are you taking steps to accept those challenges?  Because if you are, you are most certainly not alone.  :-)

"What is that to you?"

Last weekend (the weekend filled with weddings), I got the chance to visit my former youth pastor at the church he's now leading.  His sermon was on the last chapter of John, and it was GOOD.  The part of it that really struck me was when he talked about how Peter asked Jesus if John would die, as Jesus had just told Peter that he would die for the glory of God.  I love Jesus' response: "If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you?  You follow Me."

As I shared with a few of my best friends over the weekend, my greatest desire in life is to find the wife God has for me and raise a family under His guidance, and when I see many of my friends are getting married or are engaged while I'm not even dating anyone yet (not for a lack of beautiful, God-fearing women that I know!...I just haven't felt the green light from the Holy Spirit towards pursuing anyone), I can't help but ask God, "Why does she get to find her true love while I'm still searching?" or "How come he's getting married next year when I want that so much more than him?"  And after hearing that sermon, I can clearly hear the Lord say in response, "If I will that all of your friends get married today and you remain celibate till you pass from this earth, what is that to you?  You follow Me."

I pray that I find the strength to sigh, smile a bit, and say, "Lead on."

Spiritual Six-Pack

Ever notice how it's easier to do the hard stuff God calls us to do if we obey Him in the littler things?  I sure have.  Yet I surprise myself in how often I choose not to do those little easier things--things like getting out of bed relatively soon after I wake up, or praying and reading the Bible to start the day, or going to bed when it gets late.  It's like spiritual exercise: training ourselves to listen to the Holy Spirit now so that when it's really hard to do so later, we're prepared.  I really hate exercise, but it needs to happen if I'm going to be a useful tool for God.  Just thought I'd share.

Warning: Introspection Ahead

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of two dear friends from Vassar.  They've been an item for as long as I've known them, so it was nice to see the beginning of their official union.  It was REALLY nice to see all my brothers and sisters from VXF again as well.  I'd forgotten how much I missed them all.

Seeing all of them again made me think about how I'd fallen out of touch, which made me re-evaluate how I was living my life these days.  I'm still in grad school (third year now), but I tend to get so focused on that goal that I forget to make any others.  Nothing serious, just little things like posting in this blog regularly, or working on my golf game, or learning how to cook delicious stuff.  I want to fix that.

As always, the whole matter turns on my relationship with God.  I can't seem to get out of this mindset where I only serve Him when it's convenient or when I feel like it.  It's this sickening roller coaster of one or two good days where I'm on point and focused on Him, followed by two or three days of doing whatever I feel like because "I'm doing well and I should relax a little bit."  For a guy whose blog name is Velocity, mine is terribly inconsistent.

I guess there's nothing to do but spend some time in prayer and the Bible.  Adjust priorities.  Realize there's a whole life out there the Lord wants for me and will give to me if I could just give up the garbage I'm clutching onto so fervently.

I've lost count of how many times I've tried to change, and I can't say with any real confidence that this time will be any different.  But it will be a try.  And maybe it will succeed, if I can learn how to allow God to make the change within me rather than forcing the change myself.